REAL VAMPIRES HATE SKINNY JEANS – Gerry Bartlett
Glory St Clair, Book 8
Curvy Vampire Fiction
Austin, Texas – Present Day
How about that? I've beaten just about every obstacle thrown my way (possession by demon, check; beat Satan at his own game, check; reared my own fledgling vampires, check check), and life seemed to be coming up roses. Of course, that was until Alesa (aforementioned demon) showed up on my doorstep the other night, claiming she'd gotten pregnant during the time she'd possessed my body (again, aforementioned) while Rafe and I had succumbed to our intense attraction and…well, knocked boots. I'm not proud and, besides, Jerry and I were on a time-out. I think. It all gets hazy in my poor brain…
But enough about that—by all that's Dracula, what am I going to do with a pregnant demon, I ask you? It's bad enough having to deal with Alesa at all, let alone with a fetus on board, but this is ridiculous. And probably made up, because, after all, we all know what nasty, sludge-spewing liars demons are, no? Next thing you know, she'll ask me to throw a demon shower for her. But how do I prove that Alesa's lying? Is it even possible for a demon to get pregnant by proxy? Of course, as one of Satan's hench-hussies, anything's possible, I guess. But I cannot stand to see Rafe struggle with the possibility that he is a demon baby-daddy.
For this I may have to call in an exorcist. *snort* That's wishful thinking since now Alesa's throwing all kinds of threats my way if I don't let her stay with me during her own time out with Satan. Seriously, the demonic shrew can freeze me in my tracks, and that's enough to terrify any vampire worth her salt. But now she insists that I'd be scary if I knew my own power? The nerve…
Welcome back to Glory St. Clair's little slice of heaven in Austin , Texas , y'all! Poor Glory can't catch a break it seems, and just when she starts to relax, trouble finds her. This time it's in the form of Alesa, a demon of the first order, and she's obviously got news. Glory has just gotten back to some sort of understanding with lover Jeremy Blade. They'd made progress in recapturing their relationship, but their centuries-old romance is dead in the water if he's constantly reminded of Glory's sexy times transgression with Rafe.
So Glory does what she can do best —turns to those who are less-than-friends but don't-quite-want-her-dead for help. Enter Ian MacDonald, vampire and longtime enemy of Jeremy's family ( seriously, what is up with clans and their longtime hate-a-thons? ). He's chiefly responsible for the invention of a drug that will allow a vampire to view the sun for short periods of time, as well as other various concoctions ( Let's not even go into how they affect my poor body… ). And, oh yeah, he's a doctor, so he may be able to help Glory with the problem of Alesa. Not by foul or sinister means, of course, but surely he can draw her blood for a DNA sample or perform an ultrasound, right? Excited by the opportunity to study a demon up close and personal, and a pregnant one at that, Ian agrees. And then things go right to hell in a hand basket.
In REAL VAMPIRES HATE SKINNY JEANS, Glory's juggling many plates at once yet again. Fans of the series don't need me to tell them that usually in Glory's world one problem usually leads to a butt-load more. But this time, Glory's understanding of herself is challenged when she finds out that she could be either, a.) not a vampire; or b.) some concoction of species with vampirism as only one of her hidden talents. Either way you slice it, it rocks Glory to her core and causes the men in her life to look at her with suspicious eyes, not bedroom ones.
Gerry Bartlett adds one more page-turner to her arsenal of page-turners, and no, no vampire paid me off to say that. One day, folks, one day—that's how long it took me to read REAL VAMPIRES HATE SKINNY JEANS. Fan favorites make appearances one again in the eighth installment of the Real Vampires series: Jeremy Blade, Glory's creator and lover; Rafe, Glory's former bodyguard, now her hot sexy good friend; Florence de Vinci and Richard Mainwaring, Glory's best friend and her husband; and Israel Caine, Glory's rock star fledgling vampire. Of course, some of the pricklier folks that have caused no small amount of grief for our girl are there, too: Aggie, a siren who's intent on becoming best friends with Glory and Flo; Alesa, aforementioned preggo demon; and Ian MacDonald, the vampire doctor with many talents. Heck, a couple pissed off gods and goddesses drop in, too.
Seriously, Amy, Are you penning the next Gone with the Wind, or just writing a quick review? Show more than tell, girl! We've got work to do.
Oops, gotta go. Go out and buy REAL VAMPIRES HATE SKINNY JEANS now!
Amy Cunningham ( with the help of Glory St. Clair —she's on loan from the author)